after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
