just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
