He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
