walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
