I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
