Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to sanitize my soul.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need water and some morals
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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