my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
