You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
