I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
