Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
