hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
