why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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