I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
