Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
did i just pee glitter
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