I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
