saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
