did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
