ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
