you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
