this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
