my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to calm my uterus...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
