I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
