I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
