i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
