is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
