how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
