Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
