did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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