everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
