So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
