What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
