So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
