Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
