We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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