First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
3pm strippers are depressing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
