Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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