Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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