you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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