Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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