No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
