somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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