Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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