i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
