that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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