I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
