i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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