he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize