My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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