My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
