haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
