Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
